How to be a banana in three steps, or advice for the amiguously Asian
by Maria Blackman
Follow these steps carefully.
Step One
Remove yourself from the exotic tropical fruits in the fruit bowl. You must not associate with longan, rambutan, star fruit, or, God forbid, durian. Their textures are too unfamiliar and their tastes must be acquired. If their smells evoke street vendors in humid cities, avoid at all costs. Apples are safe.
Step Two
Acknowledge your origins neutrally. For example, I was grown in the tropics, but I’ve been shipped down to a supermarket in the city. Once acknowledged, move the conversation on to a topic that is familiar for the other party (eg. how much vegemite do you have on your toast?).
Step Three
Remove your peel, partially or completely. Arrange yourself in a banana split so your white flesh is visible. Other options for this step include, but are not limited to, banana smoothie or banana slices for a fruit salad (refer to Step One regarding safe fruits). Remember that once you are peeled, there will be a scissure in your skin. Add lemon juice to stop your flesh from oxidising. No one likes brown fruit.
Note: It is not enough to declare ‘I am a banana’. Do not think that simply playing the role will suffice; you must become the banana so that you can be unmistakably yellow on the outside, white on the inside.
Maria is featured in our issue 01 print . Get your copy here!
Flash Fiction
About the Author
Maria Blackman is a writer from Boorloo (Perth, Western Australia). She is a 2025 Katharine Susannah Pritchard Writers' Centre Fellow and 'How to be a banana' was written during a residency there in April of this year.