❶ Did French Women Exist Before Beauvoir?
❷ Dinner Parties, Narcissus and the Power of a Hypothetical
❸ I Sure Love Scrolling
❹ Slate
❶ Did French Women Exist Before Beauvoir?
❷ Dinner Parties, Narcissus and the Power of a Hypothetical
❸ I Sure Love Scrolling
❹ Slate
Motherhood & Creativity
What motherhood taught me about failure, perfectionism, and the creative processby Amy Davidson
The Obstacle Is the Way Watercolour, coloured pencil and pen on paper, A5, 2024
This watercolor map is a visual exploration of my journey through motherhood and the profound loss of self that accompanied it.
I remember being in the challenging depths of adjusting to motherhood in the middle of last year when I heard this phrase in a podcast: “The obstacle is the way.” At the time, I didn’t quite know how to put it into practice, but it gave me hope. So, I drew myself some kind of map. I’m still following it, but the forest is clearing, and the bright pink valley is coming closer and brighter every day
.This watercolor map is a visual exploration of my journey through motherhood and the profound loss of self that accompanied it.
I remember being in the challenging depths of adjusting to motherhood in the middle of last year when I heard this phrase in a podcast: “The obstacle is the way.” At the time, I didn’t quite know how to put it into practice, but it gave me hope. So, I drew myself some kind of map. I’m still following it, but the forest is clearing, and the bright pink valley is coming closer and brighter every day
They say creating a baby is the ultimate creative act. I understand that. Growing a human and then shaping them into who they’ll become is undoubtedly an act of creation.
But as a lifelong artist, I’ve never felt less creative than I have since becoming a mother.
Lack of sleep, energy, and autonomy leaves little room for painting or even thinking creatively. And yet, without using my mind and hands to make something, I don’t feel like myself. Inspiration has always been what keeps me feeling alive and connected. Without it, I lose my sense of self, and after these first years of motherhood, I know I need to consciously cultivate it again.
I’ve been wondering: What can motherhood teach me about creativity?
Motherhood has brought up so many unresolved emotions and issues for me, and I’m writing this piece to reflect on how these challenges as a mother echo my struggles as an artist, particularly around perfectionism, failure, and the need to control what can’t be controlled.
The Fear of Failure and the Cage of Perfectionism
Breastfeeding was incredibly hard for me. From severe nipple pain and a bad latch, to low milk supply, nipple shields, nipple refusal. I think I faced more challenges than most. It took three long months before my daughter started breastfeeding properly.
There was so much stress, so many feeds followed by pumping sessions, leaving me with almost no time to rest. I felt like a failure. She would scream and refuse to latch, and I was trying so hard to make it work. Most of the time, she’d only take a bottle of pumped milk, and sometimes we had to top up with formula. It felt like such a rejection. What was wrong with me?
I saw four different lactation consultants, including the most expensive and in-demand one in Brisbane, and still, it wasn’t working. The only time she’d latch was in the middle of the night, when she was too sleepy to protest or notice the difference.
I turned on myself. I emotionally punished myself, obsessively going over the same thoughts, reading everything I could online, trying to find a solution. I couldn’t let go. I had this idea of what my breastfeeding journey should look like, and because it didn’t match up, I saw myself as an epic failure.
This is when I realised I was holding myself up to some invisible ideal of what I thought a mother should be. I was failing to meet it. These negative thoughts pushed me deep into a negative place of postpartum depression and anxiety.
And then I saw that this fear of failure had been there in my creative life, too. I’ve always held myself to invisible standards to feel like I’m enough. I never thought of it as perfectionism as I’m naturally messy, creatively and in life — but still, this idea that I had to be “perfect” to be doing well, as a mother, a creative, a human, was always there in the background.
I didn’t crack the breastfeeding code. I didn’t have some magical surrender moment either. I muddled through the sleep-deprived fog, day after day. Then, one night, three months in, my daughter had a growth spurt and started waking to feed every two hours. Out of nowhere, her latch was stronger. She latched at midnight, then again at 2am, 4am, 6am. It kept happening. My milk supply increased. Eventually, she was breastfeeding properly, even refusing the bottle.
And that’s when I realised: maybe it wasn’t all me. Maybe it just took her body time to develop the strength to feed properly. I had blamed myself entirely. But the truth is, I just needed to keep responding to her, to keep muddling through, and eventually, it resolved itself.
Trust the Process
I started to see how this mirrors my creative practice. The more I push myself to succeed, the more pressure I put on myself, the more stuck I feel. But when I let go a little, and just keep going (even clumsily), things often work themselves out.
There’s a phrase in art therapy: trust the process.
I think I’ve been obsessed with fixing things when what I really need is to surrender to what’s happening and let it guide me. Maybe it’s a fear of powerlessness, of losing control. But when you’re working with children and with the unseen forces of creativity…how much can you really control?
Motherhood was sending me a big blinking message: it was time to face my issues with perfectionism and failure, the very same ones that had long affected my creative life.
Beginning Again
So even though I have less time than ever to make art, and even though motherhood has felt like the least creative time of my life. I’m realising these lessons can feed my creative and spiritual growth in ways I never expected.
I hope these essays offer something useful, especially if you’re a creative mother. But even if you’re not, maybe some of these lessons will resonate with your own journey.
Amy is a multidisciplinary artist based in Brisbane. She primarily works in painting and printmaking, however recently Amy has become a first-time mother and has been navigating the profound identity shifts that come with this experience. She is currently exploring this transition into motherhood through her art practice and through reflective essays on her Substack thecreativeportal.substack.com. You can also see more of her work on her website amydavidson.cargo.site or her instagram @amydavidson.art
Amy is featured in our issue 01 print . Get your copy here!